My Takeaway from Pregnancy

2018 has been a year full of life, joy, and love; however, for me, it has also been a year full of hardship, exhaustion, and challenges. I was so excited when I found out that my husband and I were going to be parents to a second child, I could not wait! We had been trying for a few months and we were thrilled to become a family of four. However, the more my pregnancy progressed, the more I was faced with the hardships that come along with pregnancy. Everyone warns you about the physical challenges you will face when you are pregnant, but they neglect to inform you of a few things: 1) recovery after you give birth and 2) the mental hardships ahead. Now I understand not every woman experiences exactly what I went through, but I know my experience is not unusual.

  The recovery of giving birth is brutal. Your body is recovering from a trauma, you have to wear a diaper for about six weeks, and then you are sent home from the hospital with a new baby that you have to care for. You, a person healing from a painful, life-changing experience, have to make sure you are caring for a 100% dependent new human being. People also do not tell you that breastfeeding is a skill. I always thought breastfeeding was something that came naturally after birth, that you just knew how to do it, an instinct. That thought was far from the truth, at least in my case. Breastfeeding is something you have to learn. It is painful, both physically and mentally, and it does not always come easy. So many things can go wrong with breastfeeding: your baby might not be latching, you may not supplying enough milk, mastitis, or you might not even have the right anatomy.

My difficulties with breastfeeding was one of my mental hardships. All I wanted to do was to provide for my baby and have a wonderful bonding experience but it was so unbelievably painful for me. Along with breastfeeding, actual pregnancy brought up some mental obstacles within me. With the surge of hormones in my body, my emotions were all over the place. This included some really down and dark moments. The world seemed gray, and even though I could think rationally that it was just the pregnancy hormones, I felt despair. Not only was I physically sick, but I was plagued by a darkness, a depression. I could not even tell you about what specifically, but it was really hard on my husband and family. Pregnancy is HARD! Of course it is all worth it once you see that tiny little face looking up at you, filling you with so much love you didn't know was possible. However, I feel like women refrain from talking about the difficulties of pregnancy because we fear it will taint the miracle and joy of having a child.

The act of bringing a child into the world is such a wonderful gift to be cherished, but I think that the challenges should not be ignored. Talking about them would remind women that they are not alone. Now that my pregnancy is over, I can feel my body returning to normal (physically and hormonally) but I do not want to move on without talking about the challenges.

This season of life really took a lot of relying on God, and constantly refocusing on him and all the blessings he has given me. I could not do this without the hope that he has given me, a promise of salvation, during a time where I felt hopeless. I am so thankful for my two beautiful daughters, Tate and Blake, and I would do it again, I just wanted to offer a different perspective.

Importance of Community

One thing that starting my own business has taught me is the importance of relying on your community. Before the FMF, I always believed that community was important, but looking back, I did not truly grasp the weight of it. With the FMF, I have learned that it is SO much easier to succeed when you have lots of people helping you, building you up. And I mean this in a very literal sense too, for example: using small businesses when printing holiday cards, having a friend take photos, reaching out to my mom when figuring out how to package, seeking help from my husband to design a web page, and reaching out to small businesses to see if they would consign my work.  It is so important that even if you do not use your connections to help you with your specific business, you realize that they are artists in their craft. Someday, you WILL need them to help you whether that is in the very literal sense, or building you up and encouraging you in your artistry. And in turn, you get the opportunity to build them and their business up. Also, it is key to get an outsider’s opinion and to pay attention to their specific creativity (everybody’s got it) and try to think of how you can take their unique perspective, and have it influence your art. I am excited to continue to reach out to friends and family to help me continue to develop the FMF in 2018. Thank you for all of the support and encouragement from you all, my community. Remember to shop local and please keep Austin weird ;)

Who You're Buying From Continued...

(Part 1 below) Tate is truly a blessing, from the moment she was born. She was the most amazing baby, from sleeping to flexibility of environments, she has been nothing but delightful. I stayed home to look after her as Anthony continued going to school at the University of Texas, as well as working as a designer at a big data company. I love being a mother but a part of me was still mourning the fact that I was not furthering my education, having to completely surrender my former desires in life for the new found desire of my family's well being, and making sure we have a welcoming home (this includes cleaning, laundry, cooking, and making sure our home is a place where we can relax and unwind together).  Being a mom has made me really prioritize things in my life and school had fallen low on my list now that I have a family to think of.  

I made the decision to continue my education at UT in 2016, but how transferring in the spring works at the university, I ended up not being able to apply to the visual arts college and had to enter the liberal arts program. After a year of attending school, I realized that I was not even on a path to be an artist; I was just getting a degree for the sake of getting a degree, and it was a waste of my time and a waste of money. It was time to do what I really love doing: art. I had given up that dream of becoming an artist for the past 2 years, but God works in mysterious ways.

Kid you not, I spent months actively praying about what to do about school, consulting both my church and my missional community, trying to figure out what I was going to do the following fall. Well April comes around, and our lease at our apartment downtown was about to be up and we decided to start looking to rent a house. We start looking and everything is either too expensive or way too small for our already small family. We then find a house, that is everything and more of what we were looking for. Great location, extra rooms, a backyard, and so much more; it was also BELOW our budget. Well, one of the two extra rooms made a perfect studio/ office. I felt it was time to revisit my dream of being an artist, to create.

Even though in 2014, it seemed my dreams were always going to be just dreams, this journey has actually made it possible for me to follow my passion. Since I am mom, I have to stay home all day with my beautiful toddler, but now I have a studio in our house so I have the most ideal environment for me to paint. GOD IS SO GOOD! I thought my dream was forgotten, but no, God did not forget about me, he just had a very different path in mind to get me here. His plan is always better. Thank you for being a part of this dream, I am so excited what other plans God has for me, and I cannot wait to see where The Flea Market Funky takes me.

Who You're Buying From

I have wanted to become an artist since the age of 3. Growing up, I was fascinated with color, drawing and creating, especially with my mom, who is also a creator, and I was on the path I thought I needed to be on to become a great artist. However, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan.

It was the week before spring finals and I was finishing up my freshman year at Texas Tech University. It was a great year: I was majoring in studio art; I had good grades; I had amazing friends; I had a serious boyfriend. I had made plans to transfer to Texas Christian University the following fall. I turned 19 in April of 2014, and little did I know my whole life was about to change. I made the discovery that I was pregnant.

I first called my boyfriend, Anthony, who was calm, telling me he loved me and that it was going to be ok. The following summer was a hectic one, full of planning, and refocusing my life. At the end of summer 2014, I married the love of my life and started the crazy adventure of marriage with my best friend. About three weeks after our wedding, when I was six months pregnant, I felt a sharp pain in my leg and it began to swell.  The swelling and pain increased and I was rushed to the emergency room.  It was discovered that I had a blood clot in my femoral artery that stretched from my hip to the bottom of my calf.  A small piece of the clot had broken off and was in my lungs, and my life was in danger. I was in the hospital for a week, then bed rest at home and was on blood thinners for the next six months. During this whole process, our baby’s life was never in danger, she was so strong and healthy even when I was not. God continuously showed me love and grace during this time of my life. On December 29, 2014, the most beautiful baby girl, Tate, made her entrance into the world.